Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Who else could direct the Jobs movie and what would it be like?


Anticipated Biography Of Steve Jobs Goes On Sale


As reported by the Hollywood Reporter, Sony balked at director David Fincher's request to have $10 million upfront to helm the Steve Jobs biopic based on Walter Issacson's book. Fincher is best known for directing "The Social Network," "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and two episodes of "House of Cards," among other films and a number of music videos.


Who do you think should direct the Steve Jobs film? Here's what the TUAW staff (and in some cases, spouses) have to suggest, including some directors we'd bring back from the grave. Let us know your picks in the comments:


JJ Abrams: There will be a massive lens flare every time Steve shows up on screen.


Wes Anderson: Bill Murray would play Jobs. The whole movie would be too long, make no sense, have no point, and everyone would gush about how awesome it is.


Tim Burton: The film would be stop-motion animation, and every role would be voiced by Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter.


Frank Capra: The final scene would have Zuzu exclaim: "Whenever we sell another iPhone, an angel gets its wings."


Alfred Hitchcock: Jobs would create the Apple I in a Lower East Side apartment in New York while witnessing the murder of Atari across the way, then would be accused of stabbing the MITS Altair in the back at the UN, culminating in a drive to Bodega Bay from Mt Rushmore, where the Angry Birds attack Wozniak before they both reach Silicon Valley with strange tech geeks on a train. It's such a tense situation that they create the iPhone to get past Dialing "M". Oh, and Bill Gates takes the fatal shower, instead of Steve Jobs, who sorely needs one.


Peter Jackson: We'd get three movies about the iPhone and iPad, then ten years later we'd get three more just about the original Mac. And he'd make out like Tim Cook and Jony Ive had been there the whole time. Then he'd make up some other character completely and arbitrarily cut Woz out of the story.


Stanley Kubrick: A Performa would try (and fail) to murder Jobs. He'd then have a vision of a black monolith in his bedroom. BOOM: iPhone.


David Lean: There would be a long track shot of iPad production lines fading into the distance, interrupted by a loud train whistle with a shot Steve Ballmer in a Soviet Army uniform railing against apps, ending with a task force blowing up the bridge of Samsung.


George Lucas: If he directed it, 20 years later he'd spend three totally pointless films focusing on Jobs's childhood and teen years. He'd also retool his original Jobs film to make it look like Bill Gates shot first.


Brett Ratner: Every time prototype hardware displeased Steve, he'd blow it up. And in a bold bit of casting, the Steves will be played by Jackie Chan and Chris Rock.


Steven Spielberg: The film would focus far more on Jobs the family man than Jobs the mogul. Critics would describe it as "the feel-good hit of the summer." John Williams does the soundtrack. Jobs carries a bullwhip everywhere for some reason never adequately explained.


Martin Scorsese: Every other word out of Jobs' mouth would be an F-bomb, Bobby DeNiro would play John Sculley, and Apple would be headquartered in Manhattan.


Quentin Tarantino: Every word out of Jobs's mouth would be an F-bomb. Samuel L. Jackson would play Steve Wozniak, Leo DiCaprio would play Jobs, and the film would be about their adventures in the Southern California criminal underworld as they tried to obtain seed funding for Apple.


James Cameron: Everyone would be painted blue and it would take place entirely on the Titanic. Leo DiCaprio would still play Jobs.


Joss Whedon: He'd just kill Jobs all over again in the most heart-wrenching manner possible after slowly picking off everyone you'd ever care for in the film. The Aaron Sorkin-penned script would be tossed for one co-written by Steven Moffat and George R.R. Martin.


Photo from Getty Images





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